Tails Kills Everyone
by Erman Bullock
Summary: After all the years of abuse, Tails finally goes out to seek his revenge on every character you have every known and loved
1. Sonic

Tails was normally a pretty shy fox furry thing; usually too shy and unmotivated enough to tell his thoughts and feels to others. Somehow, this put Tails in a situation where everyone would walk over him and abuse him senselessly. And I do mean EVERYONE. Most notably though, Tails was a slave to Sonic's aimless ambitions. After all these years, Tails was sick of it and finally broke from all the abuse he had taken. Now he simply wanted him dead... ALL OF THEM DEAD!

It was morning in Tails' Workshop, just about the time Sonic where come over to MAKE him build a stupid machine probably designed to force himself onto another unsuspecting women because Sonic was just that kind of person. Tails didn't really care about that though, just the fact that he was going to make HIM built his disgusting fantasies. What about HIS disgusting fantasies...? This is it, the final straw. Oh he was going to build something alright. Something he should have built a long time ago...

Sonic was a life-form built from high performance drugs and poor life choices, as least, that was what his mother told him. Unbeknownst to him, this paired rather nicely with a set of unexpected stairs beyond Tails front door.

"Listen Tails. I want you to bui-"

Sonic enters Tails house uninvited as well as fell down his new set of stairs uninvited. He hit his head on every step, squealing like a dumb pig did entering the slaughter house, until all that was left of him was his mangled remains and a rather happy human fox.

"Oh wow..." Tails remarked sarcastically. "How DID you miss those stairs, were they too fast for your naked eye?" Tails put on sunglasses, did a justified laugh, and simply walked out of that place happy knowing one less problem existed in this world


	2. Mario

Tails slithered his way to a company run by the famous jump man, or should I say hit man, Mario. While he started out as a plumber, Mario did one good thing for society and the rest were staged to increase his undeserved fame or passed on to a stunt devil as he was left raking in the dough for other people's work: including Tails...

Tails was forced-blackmailed later as typical Mario fashion-to make all sorts of illegal and deadly weapons for that man. Mario used his money and fame to cash in the only service he really knew how to do. He organized the perfect operation of mass or individual murder west of Virginia and was the first assassin to utilize his own obesity-the classic American super-power- as a murder weapon. But Tails didn't care about that, after all the work Tails had done for him, he never (not ONCE) asked him if HE wanted someone killed. That jerk!

Well Tails was sick of his... everything and naturally wanted him dead. Earlier that day, he told Mario he had something SPECIAL for him and wanted to meet him at the top of once of his skyscrapers.

"Its Me, Mario. Now give me your newest-"

Mario was immediately interrupted by the grabbing and throw of his hat. It was the only thing that he cared about besides money, and needless less to say he jumped off the building to catch it, later plummeting to his doom.

At the bottom, his blood was all across the sidewalk and the busy street. He wasn't recognizable, but the stupid hat gave it away. People would have called the police, but they didn't care much for Mario.

"Oh wow..." Tails remarked sarcastically. "It turns out you really are... Jump man Mario". Tails put on his sunglasses, laugh justifiably, and walked out of that place happily knowing that one less Italian fat man existed in the world.


	3. Super-man

Tails didn't always hate Superman, to be honest, he used to care very little about the over powered American hotdog. Sonic, however, loved Superman and would play the fourth movie over and over again on full volume while Tails was working on his intelligently designed doll house. As to why Sonic would come over to Tails house just to watch Super-man 4 ,as well as other things about him like why he was alive, completely baffled him. All Tails knew was that that movie sucked so hard and the combination of Tails being too shy to force Sonic to turn it off and Sonic's idiotic commentary caused a deep hate for the caped joker. Naturally, he deserved to die.

Tails heard from sources, that Super-man would frequent a maid cafe in Japan. Tails was both disgusted and equally not surprised that the 'American icon' was not as American nor as American loving as he appeared to be on film. It was very obvious from the information he found, that Super-man was passionate... about other things.

Stealthily, Tails entered the back door of the maid cafe. Upon entering, believe it or not, a disgusting maid creature approached her Superior.

"Hey what are you doing here, this is for employees only" Side character #1 said to the fox boy.

"Well... how about I change that...?" Tailed pulled out a gun and shot Side character #1. "Oh wow..." Tailed remarked sarcastically. "It looks like this gun... maid you dead!" Tailed smiled, unfortunitely he realized the next course of action. And you won't believe what HAPPENS next.

"Oh hey cute Maid, mind if you take my order" The Super-man was looking a little less super right now. He dawned a hoodie saying 'I [ heart ] Moe" on it and pink jeans that were disgustingly thin.

Tails was pretending to not be happy about being a fake maid, but it was for the greater good.

"You are having a special sandwich" Tails stated as a fact.

"No... but... I wan-"

"You are having a sandwich!" Tails shouted annoyed, every second he was alive was a second of pain for Tails. "Oh look... here is your sandwich right now!" Tails slammed it on the table of a very confused man. Trying to still be under disguise. Tails tried to make it up to him by saying "Oni-chan", but the only thing it did was make Tail feel more dead on the inside.

"Wow, that was quick. Thanks... I guess. Say... I feel as though they is something draining my power in this room. Is there kryptonite in this sandwich?"

"...no..."

"That's good enough for me" Super-man was about to become super-dead, but all of a sudden he stopped.

"Hey do you know this reminds me of..."

"...Don't you dare, eat the sandwich!" Tails was trying to not look like an angry killer, but sups wasn't making it easy.

"That one scene from Super-man 4"

"..."

"...Have you seen that movie?"

Tails was really trying not to lose it on him then and there.

"Man I love that movie. I consider it one of my greatest accomplishments. Well, alongside with my collection of every manga ever"

"That's it! I can't take this anymore! Die you idiot!"

"No.. wait... I'm getting to the best par-"

Super-man became super-dead, cause: a maid stuffing a sandwich into his mouth killing him instantly.

"Oh wow..." Tails remarked sarcastically. "It looks like Stuper-dumb's REAL kryptonite was ACTUALLY anime maids, ya idiot! "

Tails did a hardy, justified laugh. He put on his glasses, I guess too. One less super-dumb idol existed in the world. However, Tails didn't feel good about that one. He wasn't classy or cool in the end, and that was a shame. He just left that time, still with the moe maid costume.


	4. Sans from Undertale (part 1)

Tails looked over a vast broken landscape and broken characters. It was once the world of Toby Fox's loving creation, now it was home to so many AUs and OCs that it made Tails shed a single tear; and that was a hard thing to accomplish.

The Sonic fan base was notorious for this, but at least it had reached a point where a lot majority of it is ironic or troll material and the real bad stuff died out years ago along with the interest in Sonic the Hedgehog. This rotting fruit was still fresh. Good job Undertale fan-base, you managed to achieve a worst fan-base than Sonic did, and it took him nearly a decade. Other than DDLC, which may or may not be the same fan-base, it's the worst fan-base Tails had ever seen.

There lied Sans on the ground before Tails. Poor guy. He was written into so many terrible and awful alternate universes/ unoriginal fan-games, put into to many unfunny memes, written as too many vessels for preteens to express their edge/angst, and shipped with so many readers on Wattpad that his entire essence hurt.

"Please... kill me" Sans pleaded.

"Woh woh woh. Hold on. You're ruining my story man. I have a formula. I'm suppose to express my reason for hating a character, then why the audience should hate them too, THEN set about his demise. You forgetting the steps! Are you EVEN trying?" Tails was not impressed with Sans lack of will to live.

"I'm sorry, but I'll have to get back to you on this one. I can't claim to kill everyone if the fan-bases of said characters kill them for me."

Tails left defeated. But at the same time, he will return one day. One day he will find a way to kill Sans from Undertale without him enjoying it.

to be continued...?


	5. Metroid

Tails felt the need for both revenge and bloodshed well up with in his still healthy heart. At this point, Tails still had many foul enemies that had crossed him years, or perhaps even days ago. Now Tails needed to go to space, for his next exercise in wicked vengeance.

Now who could possibly be so evil and black-hearted as to drive Tails toward such an extreme solution? Well, it was none other than Metroid himself...

You see, Metroid was not just a cool spaceman with epic armour, but also had a terrible job on the side as a barista in an intergalactic cafe. Unfortunately, since that job didn't pay well, he had to find some other work to make ends meet and pay the rent for his apartment. So he got the job to carry out the sick deeds  
of others for a price. As a result, the Metroid was hired to make Tails life a living HELL. For when Tails was just a little baby, Sonic hired Metroid as a babysitter, because he was the cheapest buy on Craigslist.

Metroid was NOT a good babysitter to Tails however, as he fundamentally ruined Tails' psyche at a small age, setting up his role as subservient before he eventually snapped. Metroid prevented Tails from many of the things any young child needs, like ice cream and playing his gameboy. Worst of all, he forced him  
to go to bed at 8pm, can you believe that? Well, Tails certainly didn't forget as he piloted his spaceship which he built earlier into space and to where Matroid now worked at, Space Walmart.

Tails patiently waited out side the back for Metroid to take out the garbage, as Metroid was low ranking on the scale in that specific Walmart. And as soon as Metroid came out, Tails jumped him.

"Oh my gosh Tails, is that you?" said Metroid, squinting his eyes to see Tails on top of him.

"Yes, it has been a long time, hasn't it?" said Tails, figuring he would be an old man at this point, at least in his 30s.

"Please don't kill me Tails, I have already suffered enough, just let me live my life working at a Space  
Walmart." Metroid pleaded

"Hehehe... no way, you psychopath!" said Tails, ready to give the finishing blow.

In a last ditch effort to garner any sort of sympathy from the fox already set on weaving death for this spaceman, Metroid took off his helmet revealing that he was... a woman?!Tails could hardly believe it, was his life a lie this whole time. Was she even the same person still?

"Yes, it is true, I am a woman now. I was still a man when I was your babysitter all those years ago, but sometime later that... thing transformed me into a woman and made me like it. But nevertheless, being less badass because I was a woman, I was held in shame and put on this cool armour in order to hide my  
identity and convince people I was still cool." said Metroid, weeping.

Tails now felt a bit apprehensive about killing her, mostly because he didn't feel comfortable about hitting women. Never again... he thought to himself. But his mind quickly changed upon looking into her eyes, and recognizing the eyes of the monster that had tortured him many years ago, he quickly killed her without a second thought.

"oh Wow... I hope you're not too SPACED out..." Tails remarked sarcastically. "Now to take out the trash properly."

Tails chucked Metroid in the garbage along with the rest that Metroid had been assigned to take out and went along to seek out his next victim. He also put on sunglasses and laughed a justified laugh, that was an important thing for him to do afterall.


	6. Batman

Tails hang his head in deep thought on the roof edge of a tall building, brooding like he should be when some jerk decided to show up.

"Hey, man.." A shadowy figure said while annoying the furry god.

"What!" Tails shouted.

After all, this was his time in the action. The mighty brooding scene of a true man was at the core of any hardcore revenge story. And all of a sudden this loser had to show up and make an appearance.

"Uh... listen... You are in my spot.. dude" The man (If you can even call him that) started to reveal is true pathetic from to Tails.

"What's with the costume? Are you going to some sort of furry convention?" Tails, the furry, snarked at the dumb child.

"No ...man!" He whined. "That's on wedsn... I mean... It's my cool suit, ya rascal!"...

The man was trying to maintain a deep and dumb voice up until now, but his inner nerdy loser was peering through his cracks. Still under the illusion that he was some sort of tragic hero, he re-composed himself, and donned his 'shadow'.

"I mean, what are you doing in my brooding roof?!"

"Wait... You're that rich guy, Bruce Waine, right?"

"..."

"The one who cut me off on my drive over here"

"...no..." He coughed. "You clearly got the wrong guy... Anyway, I will kill you if I don't get ma way. Afterall, I am an edgy crime fighter with an ambiguous sense of justice and a equally edgy backstory!"

Tails narrowed his eyes. "Oh yeah, prove it. I'm way more edgy than you!"

"My parents died in a mugging and I was left tragically alone with billions of dollars and a life of luxury." Batman bragged, but not in the way that he thought would sound snobby, but the way that he thought would make him a more developed person than the objectively better Tails.

"I bet that's a fake back story, you're just pretending to be edgy. GET A LOAD OF THIS!"

Tails immediately donned a face of pure misery and suffering, but not in the way that make him pathetic. In fact, It such an edgy and sad face, you would have to see if to believe it. Like, I'm writing this now and I am even amazed by it. It was just one of those faces, and you missed out on it. I can't believe you would do this, you're really missing out on something incredible here.

Batman, immediately fell to the ground as a single tear went down his face.

"You're right, I was just pretending all this time. I wasn't edgy, I was just a whiny little baby that used Batman's edgy reputation to kill and exploit anyone I wanted. Please sir, forgive me!" Batman at this point was just speaking in his real voice, and who he really was may surprise you.

"Wait..." Tails realized. "So you aren't Christian Bale, you're actually Adam west with inconsistent throat cancer."

"It's true..." Adam explain. "Every since the end of my rain of batman, I wanted to be in the spotlight again. And of course, the only way to become hip with the kids would be to don an image of pure angst and edgy attitude. So I started to smoke cigarettes, but only occasionally."

This realization that Batman was nothing but a front for an old man to become a popular idol , as well as the back-lashing towards normal citizens due to his insecurities didn't matter to Tails. However, this man was DID cut him off on the way here , and in numerous times expressed the wrong opinion that he was better than him and that deserved HIS brooding post.

And well... that was a crime punishable by death.

"I am literally going kill you now!" Tails stated as a fact.

"Does this mean that I will get a truly cunning and worthy villain lasting many movies and television series, raising my ratings as Batman and as a person?"

"No"

Tails took out his bat and beat him to death mercilessly.

"Oh wow... " Tails remarked sarcastically. "I see you have REALLY become a Bat-man"

Tails drew the readers' attention to the bat embedded in his head before laughing a justified laugh and putting on his glasses. Needless to say he walked away from that scene with a smile on his face, knowing that one less furry cos-player existed in this world.


	7. Knuckles

Tails happened to walk into a windowless convenience store unarmed, when he was greeted by its criminal manager armed with fleshly blooded knife in one of his dirty boxing gloves.

"Oh hey Tails" Knuckles greeted. "Good thing you're not the second police officer I would have to mutilate today. It's starting to worry customers, and let me tell you, THAT's not convenient!"

"Funny you say that….." Tails said while doing little to hide his malice. "I happened to stop by because it was convenient to my edgy backstory."

"Wow, haha.. Didn't see that coming!" Knuckles 'friendly' bumped tails shoulder with a force of 50N. "I was actually just seriously making out with a hostage when I heard a person enter."

While he was talking a helpless child of undetermined gender crawled from the backroom begging for its life to end.

"Opps…. Sorry about that, I'll be back." Knuckles wasn't being polite to his guest, but Tails DID mind. And he calls THIS 'good costumer service'?

Before fulling cloaking himself in a despicable act, he had to ask: "Oh… right? Tails are you still underage?"

Tails was a 50 year old man, so naturally he declined his vile offer. "No!" he deemed that the law.

"Darn my auntie's tea biscuits!" Knuckles pardoned his French. "You would have been my type too, oh well…"

For the next 50 minutes tails heard nothing by the screams of various adolescent and below. A pool of blood came from the backroom and muddied Tails perfect shoes. He remember all the times knuckles beat him up for his mediocre boxing career. He was always too weak to take even his boxing gloves, let alone beat up his entire 3rd grade class. Nevertheless, the things he did to Tails was unforgivable by Tail's own law and therefore he MUST DIE.

Once knuckles came out of the closest of a space that was the backroom, Tails jumped into action. He threw a bar of hand soap so hard that it went all the way through Knuckle's eye sockets and washed his little dirty mind…. TO DEATH!

Tails, assembling the victory stance, removed his boxing gloves and burned them. They had been on his hands for so long, the rest of the hand came with it. He had small baby hands because they never had the chance to grow fully

"Oh wow…" Tails remarked sarcastically. "…and they called you knuckles? Don't make me chuckle!." Tails put on his sunglasses, laugh justifiably, and walked out of that place happily knowing that he had plunged the world's supply of convenience store boxer's from existence….


	8. Zero-Suit Samus Aran

Tails was almost sleeping by his sofa when he realized that someone had to be strangled to death at this very moment, but who? Tails was in a deep and reasonable thought coma, when he knew just the candidate. Zero. Suit. Samus. His second grade English teacher…

 _ **Obligatory flash-back that lasts the whole chapter starting from the beginning of the chapter…**_

Other than smuggling cocaine into Mexico (Tails primary living condition when he was apparently in second grade), Zero-suit Samus was a second grade English teacher at a perfectly time-accurate school for babies. Also given the name, its reasonable to say that she would have no suit and therefore be nude. But don't imagine that you perverts!

"Tails…." Zero-Suit Samus Aran told to her god. "Being racist is not allowed on the playground!"

"But teacher… it should be allowed when he's black..." Tails deemed. "…and we all live in a society where the social repercussions of when a colored child tries to embarrass a furry in front of his entire 2nd grade class by pointing a gun at him and threatening his death should be irrefutably punished by law".

"Tails, no excuses, racism is not allowed and no police officer in the world would conform to your racist ways. I shall puntish thou! Just take that gun-shot and this whipping I will do unto you like a man, dummy"

Zero-Suit Samus Aran whipped and the armed student continuously shot loaded lead into and onto Tails thicc thighs. Tail has no reasonable choice other than to apologize like a little sissy baby, even if it means to admit defeat to his righteous cause. With blood and tear soaked eyes, Tails apologized.

"As soon as you pulled the gun on me asking me for my lunch money, I'm sorry I said that I would do it if you were white, Jerome" Tails continued. "Also, I'm sorry for calling you a gay cotten farmer"

"Okay, I accept that. Now also apologize to my boyfriend" Jerome snickered.

"I'm sorry…." Tails pleaded to Jerry as well.

Zero-Suit Samus Aran smiled. "There… was that so hard? Now class, it is that daily time of the day to beat up Tails again as I continuous smoke more cocaine."

"I call his lunch money" Jerome hided a perfectly manly blush behind ill intentions. "I wanted to take my boyfriend to my friend's cotton farm, and didn't have the time to do my daily cocaine dealing that was taught by our teacher."

"That was a perfectly reasonable this to do." Zero-Suit Samus Aran nodded

But just then…

"Hey you!" Tails. That's right the Tails from right now came into you kick their non-racist idiocies.

"I am Tails that came here from a flashback from future"

"That's not how flash-backs work." A confused and definitely high—ly dumb teacher said to her older and much handsomer god. Naturally, she also need to DIE.

Tails took out a whip and whipped her nude body to death until she died. They he suddenly discovered her birth certificate revealing that she was actually born in Iran with no racial or anything else offensive about that other than a terrible punny one-liner.

"Oh wow…" Tails remarked sarcastically. "Samus Aran.. .more like Samus Iran…" Tails put on his sunglasses, laughed justifiably, and walked out of that flashback happily knowing that she was dead in concept.

Also Jerry and Jerome died that day as well because they accidently bought Taco bell and died of a heart attack for some reason. (Tails may have helped ;) and said some kind of pun. Just think of two puns randomly, I don't know… I'm so lazy.


End file.
